No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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