I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
