Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
