it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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