I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
