If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
