my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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