yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
