He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
