I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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