you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
