That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
