She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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