You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
