There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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