Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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