Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
