I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
