Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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