Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
