So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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