i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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