if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
