Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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