fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
