apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
