New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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