normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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