You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
