Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
