who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
