I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
