3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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