she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
