Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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