either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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