until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ladies don't puke and tell
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
