Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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