pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
