i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..