What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.