Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
