she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
