All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
