Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
