I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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