is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
