she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
