I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
