omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
