I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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