Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
