WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
