Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
