and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
