He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
