Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another