ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.