Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Let's celebrate that I used a condom