i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in