apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize