It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
