dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
