i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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