Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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