um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
