I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
