wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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