I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
