I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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