I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
